Flash back 04/05

Friday, December 31, 2004

It was almost 60 degrees today. As you may remember, I went skiing less than a week ago and was going to go ice fishing. Two days ago there was a half a foot of snow on the ground (yesterday I hit my mom with a snowball and she yelled at me), but today I went for a long walk and played catch with my dad.

...Such weird weather. It's like gnomes are controlling it or something....

This whole thing reminds me of my last trip to Darkest Asia with Buddy Dynamo. We had just left "87 Eddie's Rum Emporium Inc." Buddy was supremely inebriated on virgin Tibetian goat's blood and I had just snorted about 2 gallons of licorce-flavored turpentine when Buddy says, "Hey, Dupre--"
That's what they called me in those days "Dupre Infinity."
So Buddy says, "Hey, Dupre, what the hell did that Baroquian son of llama's nephew say to us?!"
Well, Buddy had called Eddie a So-and-so of the nth degree. The pot needed no further stirring, so I tried to divert his anger.
"Nothing, he said nothing, my fine feathered friend," I said.
"You lying sack of Mamet! I know beyond a shadow of a hammock that I had my intelligence, my purity, and my...something else insulted," Dynamo raved.
I motioned for Buddy to have a lean against a cockroach vendor's cart. It was no use. I must tell him.
"Mr. Dynamo, you are missing the point. The point is not that you were insulted, but that the moment of insulation occured during the emotional climax of the Aerosmith opus 'Dream on,'"I said.
Dynamo hugged me.
"There has never been a truer statement proclaimed in audible sound waves, O Sage of Sages," uttered The Dynamo.
"I know," said me.
"Then what ever shall we do to rectify this blasphamous tragedy which has never equalled even by The Bard himself?!" stated Dynamo.
To make a long story short, we ended up aquiring a battalion's weight in marshiano cherries dipped in 12-year old asbestos. I woke up the next day alone in an abandoned KFC knee deep in Minnie Mouse stationary. I haven't seen Dynamo since.
Posted by dmh at 6:17 PM

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Monday, January 03, 2005
dmh realizations upon the new year (as gleaned from recent emails)

Target areas for the next 5 years, in order of priority: screenwriter, film director, comedic guitar player, author, sketch comedy performer, TV writer (late night, sitcom), actor.
I will do practical things to achieve each.
In order to succeed, everything I do must direct me toward these goals.
-
I really want to retain my optimism. At times I can be...cynical...When you buy into that, it all goes downhill.
I gave up when I became a sportswriter and moved to the desert. I didn't really want to be a sportswriter. I want to be an entertainer. I need to at least try. Geez, talk about lame. I'm 50 years old sitting on my porch "Yeah, I didn't try. I didn't think I'd succeed."
Yeah, no crap. I'm destined to fail if I think I'm going to. But screw that, God is the only one that's going to stop me.
Posted by dmh at 1:40 AM